I’m sure that you’ve seen the Johnson & Johnson commercial campaign. I started thinking about it because I am spending today alone with my youngest son, Leo. He is 2 years old and just the cutest little guy you can imagine!
But I realized after a few hours that I’ve been missing a lot of what has been going on with him in the past few months.
He is really communicating a lot now. He’s talking so much more than I realized! ...And he’s funny! :) He has a great sense of humour!
I just don’t notice as much because I’m always so busy breaking up arguments with his older brother, Xan who is three years old, or because I am only hearing Xan because he is so much louder in general than Leo is. I suppose that is typical, but I feel a little bad knowing that I haven’t been paying attention the way I should.
Having a second baby changes everything soooo much more than you think it will. In as much as having your first child changed your life forever, having a second child is like starting all over again. Sure, you have the basics – you learned from the first one how to take care of diaper rash, where to find formula in the grocery store and when you really need to call the doctor – and of course, you have the highchair, crib, bottles and diapers. But there are things that you don’t even think about that make having that second baby 100 times harder than the first.
Foremost, if you are a woman and you’re second pregnancy is within 3 years of the first, you probably haven’t fully recovered from the lack of sleep and hormone fluctuations after your first child. I had my children 16 months apart and I don’t think I’ve truly had one night of eight uninterrupted hours of sleep in the past 3 and a half years. And, if you haven’t lost the pregnancy weight from the first time around, losing it after the second is, oh, so much harder!…which, by the way, also slows you down and makes everything an effort.
Then, of course, is the obvious financial cost of having a second child. It’s more than you think – especially if the child has any sort of special needs (i.e. an allergy to milk – soy milk is nearly twice as expensive). Whatever cost you have anticipated – if you’ve thought that far ahead at all (most people don’t, so don’t feel bad!) – take that number and add another 25-50%.
After all that, though, I think the hardest thing about having a second child is making sure both kids get the attention that they deserve.
With day-to-day life getting in the way, just sitting down and having a one-on-one hugging/playing session becomes a true challenge. It seems like there is always laundry to be done, dishes to wash or a meal to prepare – not to mention "mommy and me" classes, grocery shopping and (possibly) work.
If you look at the women’s/parenting magazines, a lot of what you see is “Make time for yourself! Find yourself again! Don’t be afraid to be selfish!” My advice is completely different.
While I agree that you should always pursue your interests and dreams, sharing them with your children is much more rewarding than spa time alone. Just don’t try to do it with both of them at once!! Have daddy or grandmom or the babysitter watch one of your children. Take the other child and share YOU. You like gardening? Let him dig a hole while you plant your tomatoes. You need to go grocery shopping? Let him walk beside you and help pick out the food - tell him why you choose the things you choose and how to pick a good bunch of bananas. You like biking? Stick him on the back of your bike. You enjoy movies? Pop some corn and watch one with him and talk him through it – (keep it “G” rated of course!) – and watch how his face lights up! You like reading?...well, that’s just too damn obvious! :) The more time you spend getting to know your children now, the less time you’ll have to spend wondering who your child is as a teen and adult.
This is just my theory, but I can’t think of one person who ever said, “I wish my parents had spent LESS time with me as a kid.”
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