A Purpose

Every time we get out of bed in the morning - there is a reason... our children. But what happens when the children are grown and gone? Why do you get out of bed?

I was watching The Golden Girls yesterday and something that Sophia said really struck home. It was an episode from Season 3 that dealt with Alzheimer's disease. Sophia befriends an old black man who turns out to have the disease and is being sent to a home for treatment. She finds out the news and tells Dorothy, her daughter, that even when you're old, you still need a reason to get out of bed in the morning (referring to her friendship with the old man).

What are you going to do when your kids are all grown up? As stay-at-home moms with no actual careers, we, in particular, need to think of things like this. We devote our whole young lives to our children and experience the empty nest syndrome when they move out on their own and leave us wondering, "What do I do now?"

Now, if you are really lucky, you've saved enough for you and your husband to retire comfortably with perhaps enough to do a little travelling, too. But then what? What happens when you come home and back to that empty nest? TV and the porch swing?

Start thinking now about who you are and what makes you happy, aside from your kids. I know that for me, up until recently, I have made most of my life about my kids... which is as it should be as my children are only 2 and 3 years old. However, as a woman and an individual who has worked all of her teen and adult life up until pregnancy number one, I feel that I need to do something more to contribute to the family and the world in general. Call it pride if you will, but each of us has something special to give. Find out what it is that you have and make sure that you are ready when the time is right!

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*SIGH*

I think one of the things parents dread most is the first time their teenage son or daughter gives them the big sigh with eyeroll. You know the one....often accompanied by the "Mo-ther!" sound effect.

Little did I know that this scene gets played out a lot sooner than I ever expected.

Picure it... my 2 year old son standing in the middle of the kitchen looking up at me with his big, innocent, heather gray eyes. He is pounding his fists together rapidly in his version of the sign for "more" as he pleads, "Mo min! Mo min! Mo min! Mo min!"

It took me a second to figure out what he was talking about, but then it dawned on me: More vitamin!

I shook my head and said, "No, honey. You already had your vitamin today."

And then, as if in slow motion, to my utter shock and dismay my teenage nightmare materialized: he rolled his eyes and gave me the biggest sigh I've ever heard come out of a little kid.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry - but of course, I laughed. And so it begins....

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Dibbadaba!!! (That's "abracadabra" in toddler)

Sometimes the most wonderful times happen when you aren’t even expecting it. Today my little three year old, Xan, decided that he wanted to be like “Little Bear” and be a magician.

He came running into the kitchen saying something about Little Bear doing magic and he wanted a cape. I proceeded to tie a bath towel around his shoulders with some string and then of course, this led to a hat and wand – both made hastily out of construction paper and a few staples.

We had hours of fun. Kids have amazing imaginations – If only we’d stop doing the dishes long enough to listen.

What a wonderful day we had. :) How was your day?!

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Water, Water Everywhere and Not a Drop to Drink

...a rant....

How yellow is your toddler's pee? I'm serious! Do you know? Does it smell? Think hard.

Then think, how much water does your little one drink? Does he/she drink any at all? How many times a day do you offer a drink to your toddler and it’s not water? ***

I always see toddlers in the mall drinking cool aid, fruit punch and (believe it or not!) diet or regular soda!! Now, I’m talking little ones – 4 and under. How crazy is that? It is absolutely no wonder to me that so many American kids are diagnosed with ADHD or ADD. There is no way they can sit still and concentrate with the amount of sugar and additives floating around in their systems!

It is the one thing that our bodies can’t live without and we don’t even think to offer it to our kids. My mom thought I was crazy when I told her that I don’t let my kids have juice. But, I figure that the best way to keep my kids as healthy as I can is to break the sugar cycle now before the influence of school cafeterias and constant commercials get into their brains. I offer milk at meals and water with snacks. Most toddlers should get about 8 oz. of water a day and no more than 4-8 oz of 100% fruit juice.

When they are thirsty, I want the first thing that comes to mind to be water! Now, I’m no angel. Sure, my kids can have a juicebox once in a while and once in a blue moon I’ll even buy a bottle of juice for them to have with meals. However, I water it down by about half. Yeah, it tastes crappy to me, but to them, it’s a big treat! They love it and I’m okay with the amount of sugar they are getting (not to mention how much longer a bottle lasts!). (Also, even though the sugar in 100% juice is natural - it's still sugar!)

Of course, if your little one doesn’t eat/drink dairy, then juice is a great alternative for the calcium, but of course consult your doctor. Your kids need that calcium! But that’s not a problem for my boys – they are huge fans of cheese and milk. (They get that from their mommy!)

If you are unsure of how much fluid your young one is getting. Check their pee. If they are urinating frequently and the urine is pale yellow and with little smell, they are getting enough fluid, but if their urine is bright yellow and acrid smelling, it's a good indication that the urine is very concentrated and more fluid is needed.

So, next time you offer a snack – don’t forget the water!



*** I want to add a little note here about infants. Babies under the age of 6 months should not have water at all as they can fill up on it and not get enough nutrients or it can lead to a very serious condition called water intoxication. Children under a year should also avoid water as most of their nutrition comes from milk or formula and too much water can be dangerous for them.

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NO!!!

How many times in a day do you say the word, “no”? I swear it has to be at least a hundred.

I’ve been trying to cut down on the negativity in the air as lately I’ve been seeing “repeat” behavior in my kids… You never really hear what you say until you hear it come out of your three year old.

“EeeeeOhhhhh! No biting!!!!” That’s my Xan. He has been trying to help mommy discipline his two year old brother, Leo. To be honest, he’s really pretty good at it. lol But, in an effort to cut down on the number of “no’s” during the day, I’ve started saying things like: “Please be nice”, “Gentle!” and “Stop, please!”

Most of the time, those gentle words work, but to be really honest, a “no” can slip out when I’m not even paying attention! Ugh! Mommy guilt!

Old habits are hard to break, so if your little one is still little, start talking nicely early! You’ll be glad you did – and so will your baby!

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Blue Babies

My children are blue. Not sad, blue.

Well, actually, kindof a greenish-blue. They look like alien smurfs. It rained last night and my boys left some chalk out on the patio. Have you ever added water to colored chalk? It makes a lovely paint.

My three year old, Xan, has a very liberal coating completely covering his face, hands and arms. My two year old, Leo, is much more dainty, but using his finger tips he managed to make some lovely body art.

Don’t worry, I saw it coming. By the time your first child reaches the age of one, your mommy instincts automatically have kicked in. You know that when there is too much quiet that there is most definitely some mischief making in progress.

This time, however, I knew that it was going to happen hours before the kids discovered it. And this is the fun part of being a mom….knowing that your kids are going to do something that you normally would not allow, but allowing it to happen because you remember what it was like to be a kid. And you know that they are going to have soooooooo much fun doing it. :)

And they did! I took a video, but couldn’t find my camera, so no pictures. Sorry. Their faces were lit up like little magical Christmas trees!

Yes, the patio is a mess – but it’s only chalk, it will wash off with the next hard rain. And the blue-green ring around the tub is easily scrubbed off. …a small price to pay for two happy little boys. :)

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Buffy Slays Church Attendence

So, what do you do on Sunday morning? Sleep in after a night of slaying vampyres?...no, I know, you still have to get up after a night of changing dirty diapers, dealing with the pain of teething and stripping wet sheets!

I am tackling this subject because it drives me crazy that someone would blame Buffy for women not going to church! It's just so utterly ridiculous! And, of course, every parent has to make a decision whether you are going to raise your children in a religious environment or not.

Being a stay-at-home mom, I talk to God a lot more often than when I was single! You know the prayers: "God, please give me patience so that I don't lose my mind." "God, please protect my children............from me" "God, so far today I haven't lost my temper, but I'm getting out of bed soon and I'll need a lot more help then!" etc.

Anyway, the University of Derby has released a study made by Dr Kristin Aune, a sociologist, saying that the church (all Christian denominations) has been losing at least 50,000 women worshippers every year since 1989. Furthermore, she adds, because of its focus on female empowerment, young women are attracted by Wicca, popularised by the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So, in actuality, she never really says that it's Buffy's fault - besides, Buffy didn't air until 1997 (8 years after women started leaving the church in such large numbers) ...but, as usual, the press finds a spin and runs with it.

There is no doubt that Buffy is a phenomenon. Did you know that there is actually a thing called Buffyology!? I am soooo not kidding. Scholars are studying Buffy.

But if we are going to talk about girl power affecting the church, that began long before Buffy was around. The Feminist Movement has come in 3 waves thus far: Sufferage in 1920, inequality in the 1960's-1980's and lastly, the 1990's until now which deals with the failures of the second wave.

In pop culture there was Star Trek which seemed to advocate Pantheism rather than a belief in God and gave women and men a more equal footing - even moreso in the 70's and 80's films and tv. Then in the 70's there was Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman.

In the 80's we had Rosanne to look to for strength in the woman at home and Murphy Brown at work. In the early 90's there was Ellen (who can forget her coming out?) and the phrase "grrrl power" was initially associated with the band Riot Grrrl. "Girl power" was later utilized by other bands including the indie band Helen Love and the pop-punk duo Shampoo and later, of course made commonplace by the Spice Girls. The late 90's received an upsurge of "girl power" on tv with the airing of popular woman-based shows like Xena, Warrior Princess (1995), Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996) and Charmed (1998) - all of which included the practice of Wicca . "Girl power" was also incarnated for children in the cartoons: Powerpuff Girls in the late 90's and Kim Possible in 2002.

So, I guess I don't understand the crucification (so to speak) of Buffy for a movement that's been going on for years.

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Worry in the life of a mother….

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How many worries can a mom fit into one day?

If you’re not a mom – you can’t possibly imagine. It’s amazing the crazy things that run through your head on a daily basis.

Moms are so stressed all of the time;

Does my fetus have a genetic disorder? Is my baby eating right? Is my child safe with that babysitter? Am I doing enough to make sure my child will do well in school? Are we putting enough money away for my child to go to college?

...and then the thoughts get a little crazier….

Will my baby grow up and run away and join a circus? How would I react if my son grows up to be a drag queen? What would happen to my baby if I suddenly died in a freak accident like being hit by a toilet seat from a space station?

…and sometimes the thoughts are really serious….

Is global warming going to kill off my grandchildren? How do I protect my daughter from rape? Will my son join the military and die at war? Will I die before I see my baby grow up and have children?

Worry can paralyze you - it doesn’t surprise me at all at the number of mothers on “happy pills.” When you hear a mom say, “My kids are driving me crazy!” you have no idea how true that statement really can be!!

Go call your mom....

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Having a baby changes everything….

I’m sure that you’ve seen the Johnson & Johnson commercial campaign. I started thinking about it because I am spending today alone with my youngest son, Leo. He is 2 years old and just the cutest little guy you can imagine!



But I realized after a few hours that I’ve been missing a lot of what has been going on with him in the past few months.

He is really communicating a lot now. He’s talking so much more than I realized! ...And he’s funny! :) He has a great sense of humour!

I just don’t notice as much because I’m always so busy breaking up arguments with his older brother, Xan who is three years old, or because I am only hearing Xan because he is so much louder in general than Leo is. I suppose that is typical, but I feel a little bad knowing that I haven’t been paying attention the way I should.

Having a second baby changes everything soooo much more than you think it will. In as much as having your first child changed your life forever, having a second child is like starting all over again. Sure, you have the basics – you learned from the first one how to take care of diaper rash, where to find formula in the grocery store and when you really need to call the doctor – and of course, you have the highchair, crib, bottles and diapers. But there are things that you don’t even think about that make having that second baby 100 times harder than the first.

Foremost, if you are a woman and you’re second pregnancy is within 3 years of the first, you probably haven’t fully recovered from the lack of sleep and hormone fluctuations after your first child. I had my children 16 months apart and I don’t think I’ve truly had one night of eight uninterrupted hours of sleep in the past 3 and a half years. And, if you haven’t lost the pregnancy weight from the first time around, losing it after the second is, oh, so much harder!…which, by the way, also slows you down and makes everything an effort.

Then, of course, is the obvious financial cost of having a second child. It’s more than you think – especially if the child has any sort of special needs (i.e. an allergy to milk – soy milk is nearly twice as expensive). Whatever cost you have anticipated – if you’ve thought that far ahead at all (most people don’t, so don’t feel bad!) – take that number and add another 25-50%.

After all that, though, I think the hardest thing about having a second child is making sure both kids get the attention that they deserve.

With day-to-day life getting in the way, just sitting down and having a one-on-one hugging/playing session becomes a true challenge. It seems like there is always laundry to be done, dishes to wash or a meal to prepare – not to mention "mommy and me" classes, grocery shopping and (possibly) work.

If you look at the women’s/parenting magazines, a lot of what you see is “Make time for yourself! Find yourself again! Don’t be afraid to be selfish!” My advice is completely different.

While I agree that you should always pursue your interests and dreams, sharing them with your children is much more rewarding than spa time alone. Just don’t try to do it with both of them at once!! Have daddy or grandmom or the babysitter watch one of your children. Take the other child and share YOU. You like gardening? Let him dig a hole while you plant your tomatoes. You need to go grocery shopping? Let him walk beside you and help pick out the food - tell him why you choose the things you choose and how to pick a good bunch of bananas. You like biking? Stick him on the back of your bike. You enjoy movies? Pop some corn and watch one with him and talk him through it – (keep it “G” rated of course!) – and watch how his face lights up! You like reading?...well, that’s just too damn obvious! :) The more time you spend getting to know your children now, the less time you’ll have to spend wondering who your child is as a teen and adult.

This is just my theory, but I can’t think of one person who ever said, “I wish my parents had spent LESS time with me as a kid.”

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Home Sweet Mess

Have you ever looked around your house and realized that in the past sixty minutes or so it somehow got so messy that it looks like a hurricane went through it?!

I swear, my house looked great this morning - fit for a visit from the Queen. Now, there are toys everywhere, paper and crayons scattered accross the floor, blocks spilled out of their home in a large diaper box and a Harry Potter video game running in the backround on a small tv... not to mention peanut butter smeared on the newly cleaned, starched diningroom tablecloth.

How did this happen?! What crazy person come into my house while my back was turned and thought it would be amusing to trash my home? I mean, that has to be what happened, because there is no way that my georgeous little angels could have made this kind of mess in such a short period of time! When I asked my 2 year old how he could make such a mess, he just looked up at me with his big innocent eyes and said, "Whaaaadt?" I couldn't help but laugh.

It is amazing how two little ones under the age of four can create such a whirlwind of disaster in their wake. When you hear a mom say...and I know you have... "All I do all day is pick up after my kids - it's exhausting!" you can be sure that she isn't exaggerating - especially if she is one of those "my house has to be perfect all of the time" types.

Here's my way of thinking. While the kids are awake, I make beds, do dishes, dusting, vacuuming and laundry. When they take their nap I pick up the toys and run a mop over the floor...then I sit on the porch and have a drink (alcohol and caffeine free depending on the day...lol). Trying to run around cleaning up after the kids as they make the messes makes them feel like they can't express themselves without you "fixing it" and it just gets you frustrated. Before bed, we sing the "clean-up" song and everyone helps mommy put the house back in order for the next day. Some people might say that I'm lazy - I just say, happy.

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Poop and Crayons

I woke up this morning to find my two year old son naked and sleeping peacefully on his bed with his tushy in the air. My initial reaction: "Awwww!" ...Upon closer inspection I discovered that his face was a strange shade of purple around the mouth. My heart nearly stopped and I burst into the room scaring the b-jeezuz out of him.

Of course, this rude awakening spawned a roar and a subsequent fountain of tears. Meanwhile, I realized that my bare feet were feeling a damp squishiness on the carpet. Dread filled my chest. A faint aroma reached my nostrils and I knew it was going to be a rough day.

My angelic little boy had taken off his poopy diaper during the night and had a finger painting party. The walls, the carpet, the door and everything in between had a nice coating of feces. Evidently, he also got hungry and chewed on a purple crayon which resulted in the hue covering his mouth and cheeks that nearly gave his mommy a stroke.

If this little story doesn't ring true to you, then you either are a freakishly perfect parent and never take your eyes off of your bundle of joy or your little one is still that, little. Never fear, you too will experience the wonder of toddlerhood! Not looking forward to it as much as you were a minute ago, are you?!

Don't worry! You've found a friend in me! Every few days I'll be posting a story, an observation or perhaps even some advice that you might find helpful. My primary goal is to help you to know that you are not alone! Stay at home moms are often cut off from the rest of the world and we need to know that there are other forms of life on this planet that don't necessarily like to play in waste and eat purple wax! Hopefully, I'll make you smile and if I work really hard, maybe I can make your life easier. I welcome you to take part - post comments, questions, ideas or criticisms! I will do my best to make your "me time" entertaining!

Meanwhile, I'll be scrubbing poop off of the walls and making a note so that I don't panic when my son's next movement happens to be purple!

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